March 4th 2010
I am feeling a little overwhelmed. And really drained. Teary eyed. I want you. I want your arms. I miss their safety. I cannot call. The epitome of hypocrisy.
It is a can of worms that is beginning –that I have talked about/begun to begin an opening. I want you. I want your safety. I want to crawl inside the dark cave of you in my memory, curl into the fetal position and only feel you surrounding me. I want to be ensconced in water, immersed in the scent of your body, drenched in holier than thou fluidity.
Where are you? Not even I have begun knowing. I resentfully finger for the handle of the shovel and beg myself to not begin digging. Done. You are done and … I told myself buried. Why are you still safety? The sky is falling and I want safety.
Can I be my own safety?
This time. Without / no life line. I am afraid. These possibilities are scary. You have said. We have said. So many things. Did you mean it? When you told unconditionally?
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Renewal
It was a crazy busy February (as one can see I had no posts) but this is much needed, as it comes on a Tuesday, the theme for this week it RENEWAL.
There are 2 weeks left in the quarter I have 3 major projects due by the end of it and life has been busy busy lately. So I'm feeling a bit of kilter. I'm experiencing a lack of motivation-regards to coursework, general mood, eating habits, and workout routines. So come on life/God/universe/myself I'm in need of a sense of renewal.
Definition:
*reclamation: the conversion of wasteland into land suitable for use of habitation or cultivation
*refilling: filling again by supplying what has been used up
*regenerate: reestablish on a new, usually improved, basis or make new or like new
*tending to impart new life and vigor to
Renew:
*to make new or as if new again; make young, fresh, or strong again; bring back into good condition
*to give new spiritual strength to
*to cause to exist again; reestablish; revive
*to begin again; take up again; resume
I think of water, I think of the fluidity of water. Running over stones, smoothing to pebbles. I think of fresh smooth nude skin. I think of slow inhales, hold, exhale; I think of Yoga - child's pose, corpse pose, silent dark room, quiet, attempting to exist in the blank, in the clouds, to be to think nothing. I think of wet dirt under quick feet, trails between large pines weaving through paths that invite. I think of water falling from showerhead overwhelming dampening hair slick down back. I need all these things. I need to clear my head.
There are 2 weeks left in the quarter I have 3 major projects due by the end of it and life has been busy busy lately. So I'm feeling a bit of kilter. I'm experiencing a lack of motivation-regards to coursework, general mood, eating habits, and workout routines. So come on life/God/universe/myself I'm in need of a sense of renewal.
Definition:
*reclamation: the conversion of wasteland into land suitable for use of habitation or cultivation
*refilling: filling again by supplying what has been used up
*regenerate: reestablish on a new, usually improved, basis or make new or like new
*tending to impart new life and vigor to
Renew:
*to make new or as if new again; make young, fresh, or strong again; bring back into good condition
*to give new spiritual strength to
*to cause to exist again; reestablish; revive
*to begin again; take up again; resume
I think of water, I think of the fluidity of water. Running over stones, smoothing to pebbles. I think of fresh smooth nude skin. I think of slow inhales, hold, exhale; I think of Yoga - child's pose, corpse pose, silent dark room, quiet, attempting to exist in the blank, in the clouds, to be to think nothing. I think of wet dirt under quick feet, trails between large pines weaving through paths that invite. I think of water falling from showerhead overwhelming dampening hair slick down back. I need all these things. I need to clear my head.
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